


For Blue Skies

by sciencebee



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: Afterlife, Character Death, F/M, Pining, Post 3x06, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-26
Updated: 2015-05-26
Packaged: 2018-04-01 08:55:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4013545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sciencebee/pseuds/sciencebee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I could have saved you, too."</p><p>What if Paul had met Beth in the afterlife? Post 3x6</p>
            </blockquote>





	For Blue Skies

**Author's Note:**

> This story is inspired by the happenings of episode 3x06 and the song "For Blue Skies" by Strays Don't Sleep. I recommend listening to it while reading this.

_Could I have saved you?_   
_Would that’ve betrayed you?_   
_I wanna burn this film_   
_You alone with those pills_   
_What you couldn’t do I will_

* * *

 

There was pain. It was loud, terrifying, that kind of pain that makes you want to crawl out of your skin and shatter everything around you. But it wasn't anything physical, for I was already dead when I let the grenade fall to the ground. She didn't know it (and she will never know) that with her she took a part of me, too.

...

I open up my eyes and I watch the sky, the purest shade of blue I have ever had the chance of seeing. It almost feels like I'm alive again, like this damned heart of mine has found its rhythm.

It's so quiet in here, it almost feels too quiet. The chilly morning temperature is more than welcome after months of living in the middle of the dessert.  I don't know where I am, but if someone had told me that this what you get to see after dying, I would've told them they were lying. And I'm certainly not deserving of any of the nature's wonders.

Suddenly my thoughts are interrupted by the sound of soft, but certain footsteps, somewhere not far from where I lay on the ground. It doesn't take me long until I realise with astonishment who their owner is. She is wearing a light blue dress I've never seen before and her hair is braided, looking so much like the girl I met 2 years ago.

"Long time no see, Paul."

I lean on my elbows, watching her pale face with something between relief and regret. Nothing could have prepared me for this moment.

Realizing that I'm not going to say anything soon, Beth slowly lays down beside me, her face, so peaceful now, facing the sun.  I do the same, but I watch her instead. There are so many things I wish I was able to say to this woman, whose fate was partially a result of my actions. I couldn't love her and I couldn't save her either.

"You saved Sarah. That's your redemption", she says, somehow aware of my thoughts. Her eyes, an explosion of colors, are still lost in the beauty of the sky and I wonder why she won't turn to face me.

"I could have saved you, too," I say, fighting back tears.

She finally looks at me, smiling and rolling her eyes (she used to do that). "Why is everyone saying that? My past decisions are mine and only mine. I have no regrets."

"But I lied to you, Beth," I almost scream at her, taking her hands in mine.

She's crying now, too. "It's fine. I was not stupid. At some point I became aware of everything." Beth takes a deep breath. "I'm at peace with it now. And maybe all of this happened for a reason. My sisters, they're much stronger now. And they learned to love each other, work as a team, and also be a family. Those things happened because Sarah came into their lives. She's everything...everything I could have never been. I'm sorry you lost her."

There's nothing I can say. So I just wrap my arms protectively around her, kissing the top of her head. We stay like that for what feels like ages and when we pull apart, I feel lighter,like a heavy burden has been taken away from my shoulders.

She stands up and smiles her beautiful smile at me, the one I caught so many times on camera and couldn't appreciate enough. She prepares to leave but quickly stops in place, as if she has just remembered something.

"I forgive you." That's all she tells me before she disappears, never to be seen again.

There isn't much time left for me either, in this place, dimension, whatever they call it, that's breaking every rule of logic. But I'm grateful I got a last chance to end things right with Beth and I feel ready to go.

Firstly I have to make sure Sarah's safe. Something tells me she will be. She's brave and smart and I know she will make the right decisions, continuing to make me proud even in death. There is really no one else I would have wanted to die for.

 

...

_It was never Beth I loved._

No, it was you. Of course it could only be you.

 

 


End file.
